Heartbroken Santorum Condemns Gay Marriage For Two-Timing Jerks Like Nick
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An emotional Rick Santorum stepped up his anti-gay rhetoric this week, saying jerks like Philadelphia’s Nicholas Wiseman should not be allowed to marry a man …
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Heartbroken Santorum Condemns Gay Marriage For Two-Timing Jerks Like Nick
"Nick Wiseman, you'll be sorry you ruined something so beautiful!"
"and I assume by 'something so beautiful', he was referring to the institution of marriage."
This is brilliant writing.
sounds personal
im with rick even this news is fake
Santorum POS
Anyone else notice the history blast at the bottom of the screen at 120
1:30 that tub of ice cream
MY MISTRESS' BODY
MY CAMPAIGN
MY CHOICE
Fucking legendary writing. The quasi-subtlety is absolutely brilliant.
I'm Pick Rick
"Piper" is so fucking ridiculously attractive her face should be made illegal
the opening sequence, i'm already dying
It's bias like this that is destroying American politics. If nick wasnt born we'd be living in a real democracy.
I just realized how Nick Santorum kind of looks like a taxidermied human man. I also just realized I took 5 hits of acid.
inSanetorum
I love how he has ice cream on the podium
"It isn't a civil liberties issue. Nick isn't civil. He's rude and hurtful."
LOL, so salty.
Nick, you FUCKER!
We didn't have The Onion (in its full force) in the 2016 elections. Think about that, and weep.
I’ve always admired Rick Santorum, he thinks GAY (HOMOSEXUAL) Marriage is an ABOMINATION to 85% of North European (WHITE) we BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST✝️?
It’s not going away democrats. I’m a Christian and when I see the designation democrat it somehow comes out HOMOSEXUAL
We Republicans are not Perfect but we are closer to what THE BIBLE says than the Democrats….
My mistresses body, my campaign, my choice, I’m actually dead rn ?
I know how this is a parody and all, but it almost perfectly encapsulates how forcefully ignorant republicunts can be that a person is gay if they don't WANT that person to be gay.
Calm down everyone. I too am funny and find this gay…wait
1:00 "Until 1730, ballots made of skin were made by Native Americans" Now it's accurate.
Nick's a real jerk
I thought the onion didn't cover real news?
You're just a leftist … Shit news that will burn after or during the revolution
This reminds me of Sappho and her friend
The Onion's not over the top or anything on that intro
Liberal "woke" comic loses job because of 7 year old pic of blackface.
Democrat union member loses job to illegal alien
Feminist Hollywood mogul indicted on sexual harassment charges
Black Lives Matter and NAACP Chapter led by white people in blackface
Planned Parenthood supports abortionists who perform abortions worse than back alley abortions of the 50's
Berkeley students ban free speech
CNN touts unsubstantiated Russian conspiracy while accusing those suspicious of Epstein's death of being kooks
Liberal academics accuse religious right of being anti-scientific while denying economics, biology, and history
You fuckers don't get it do you?
The politician guy and Nick were banging. It was obvious.
2:11
Nick you're a FUCKER.
Santorum sanitarium.
The production value of this is scary
Do you people get the joke? If not, I shall explain it:
In the world of the Onion News Network, Rick Santorum is gay and this Nick Wiseman character is his ex-boyfriend.
I love how a big part of this joke is the political operatives just… ignoring the obvious signs that Santorum is gay and soldering on like it's all just about his stance on gay marriage. The only person in this piece who gets it is the gay marriage advocate and it's such a wonderful touch.
I can't comprehend how can one admit that he's gay without a trace of embarrassment. Anyhow, I hope one day they'll find a cure.
Interesting tidbit, do a Google search on Santorum.
I'm not going to describe it here, I don't want to get banned 🙂
1:56 BAHAHA THE SECOND HEADLINE
I love the dramatic stars flying in and bombing the ground and all the crazy animations haha clearly making fun of CNN, FOX, NBC, and all those guys
"Nick you're a FUCKER."
Top flight.
"musclebound slut" thank you Onion
rick acts like a teenaged girl and it's downright hilarious
Listening useless and empty information about some gays, but actually enjoying every second of it – because of that hot chick – Piper Cahill
Definitely the meta is deep here…
If elected president this November my first endeavor will be to cleanse congress of all men who aren't still anylly pure, obviously all of those Senators and congressmen who joined the Masonic Lodge and thus who are no longer anyl virgins, and yes, I'm aware that's not how you spell anyl but for god's sake, think how much money you'll save on wages 😉
?
Southpark 😉