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Two Very Smart Kids Stacked on Top of Each Other
Jimmy Fallon roasted Pete Buttigieg, the 37-year-old mayor of South Bend, Ind., after he kicked off his campaign for president on Sunday. Buttigieg — who has surged in the polls over the past few weeks — is the youngest candidate in the race, and he would be the youngest president in U.S. history.
Fallon interrupted his monologue to give an impersonation of Buttigieg, slicking down his hair, rolling up the sleeves of his starched white shirt, and pitching his voice up just a notch. Mostly, he poked fun at the mayor for being wet behind the ears.
“By age 14, I knew I wanted to be president of the United States. And, boy, the two years since have just flown by.” — JIMMY FALLON, impersonating Buttigieg
“I’m a Rhodes scholar, a lieutenant in the United States Navy, and the two smartest kids in the world stacked on top of each other.” — JIMMY FALLON, impersonating Buttigieg
“Nowadays, most of you recognize me from the rallying cries of hope and unity that I’ve stirred across the nation. But the rest of you know me from my hit series ‘The Boy Who Became Mayor,’ only on Disney Channel.” — JIMMY FALLON, impersonating Buttigieg
Most jokes about Buttigieg have to do with his mouthful of a surname. But in his monologue, Jimmy Kimmel joked that his first name doesn’t sound very presidential, either.
“He would be our first openly gay president, and our first President Pete! Which sounds like a movie where Kevin James winds up in the White House, right?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
When you live with your parents, do they still get to throw out your porn collection — even if you’re 40 years old? That’s not an idle question. It’s currently the subject of a lawsuit in Indiana. James Corden took advantage of this slightly raunchy, more-than-slightly-depressing story.
“A divorced, 40-year-old man in Indiana is suing his own parents for throwing away his $29,000 collection of pornography. Yeah, and guess what, ladies: He’s single!” — JAMES CORDEN
“He’s suing his own parents after they threw away his porn. Yeah, at least the man is consistent: He obviously likes taking matters into his own hands.” — JAMES CORDEN
Noah Turns the Tables on Colbert
Trevor Noah, whose “Daily Show” is on break this week, paid a visit to “The Late Show” on Monday. But instead of sitting down as Stephen Colbert’s guest, he flipped the script.
Noah sat behind Colbert’s desk and grilled him on where he gets his news (The New York Times, Drudge Report, Huffington Post, Reddit and Twitter), how difficult his first months at “The Late Show” were (very), and why he doesn’t go out partying very often (because the show’s audience, Colbert said, is “all I care about,” and because he’s 54).
The Punchiest Punchlines (Tiger Edition)
“Delta Air Lines has announced it will be cutting its seat-recline distance in half to avoid disputes between passengers. ‘Oh, we’ll find a way,’ said a passenger holding a baby and a tuna sandwich.” — SETH MEYERS
“Actress Lori Laughlin pleaded not guilty today to additional federal charges, including mail and wire fraud, in connection with the recent college admissions scandal. Said her daughter: ‘Um, how could my mom have committed mail fraud when she’s clearly female?’” — SETH MEYERS
“Woods has had to overcome potentially career-ending injuries to make it back to championship form. And it just goes to show — it really does — that you can achieve anything with hard work, perseverance and a multimillion-dollar Nike sponsorship. You can pull through.” — JAMES CORDEN, on Tiger Woods’s win at the Masters on Sunday
“This isn’t good: Yesterday, Facebook and Instagram both experienced major outages. It was terrible — people at Coachella couldn’t upload terrible, shaky videos of all the performances.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Here he is, folks: your next U.S. president, the talking rock.
Conan O’Brien saw President Trump’s tweet about the fire at Notre-Dame cathedral in Paris. “We’re all very grateful to the president,” he said facetiously, “for suggesting that in the case of fire, water and acting quickly might be the right idea.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Alex Rodriguez, who is just back from attending the Masters, will get into shenanigans with Jimmy Fallon on Tuesday night.