Grab your khaki shorts and Old Navy Fourth of July sale t-shirts, because a small group of Bostonians are planning the city’s first ever “Straight Pride Parade.”
Earlier this Tuesday, Assistant Managing Editor Carolyn Ryan of The New York Times shared a screenshot of a Facebook post announcing the city’s “Straight Pride Parade,” scheduled for August 31, 2019.
The Facebook post in question, uploaded by user Mark Sahady of the three-person group Super Happy Fun America, describes the event as a “a patriotic parade in Boston as we celebrate straight pride.” You know, whatever the hell that means.
“Straight Pride” parade planned in Boston. With floats. pic.twitter.com/JcTsGRjNPn
— carolynryan (@carolynryan) June 4, 2019
Sahady also claims that city officials in Boston have agreed to work with the straight pride organizers. Apparently, the Super Happy Fun America team filed a discrimination complaint when the city initially shot down their parade proposal this April.
Naturally, LGBTQ Twitter users had a field day with Sahady’s announcement.
boston straight pride parade has a “float” but it’s really just a big stack of dunkin iced coffees and the guy powering the “float” will just call u a racial slur
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) June 4, 2019
every day in Boston is a straight pride parade https://t.co/55aVeHvOlr
— Tyler Coates (@tylercoates) June 4, 2019
Gonna be some ass-ugly floats in this, and half will be Tom Brady.
— Rob Tannenbaum (@tannenbaumr) June 4, 2019
The Boston Straight Pride Parade pic.twitter.com/5OuFucYHJg
— Golden State is a Pee Thing (@LeBronMaclean) June 4, 2019
— nisha (@13cupsofcoffee) June 4, 2019
Sneak peak at the Boston Straight Pride parade pic.twitter.com/wsfEb2bDDG
— ʇolǝdo ʍındoʍ qox (@galvileo) June 4, 2019
One user aptly pointed out that the parade route should probably be a straight line (#StraightRights, you know?) and even drew a helpful diagram.
the straight pride parade in boston should have a completely straight parade route, i thought i’d save them some time by drawing one pic.twitter.com/afbUi8mtnu
— pun the jewels (@failnaut) June 4, 2019
Hell, even Smash Mouth dragged this parade on Twitter.
Straight Pride Parade????? FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!
— Smash Mouth (@smashmouth) June 4, 2019
Oh—did we mention that Super Happy Fun America claims Brad Pitt is its official mascot? Because that’s a thing.
Do you think Brad Pitt knows he’s a mascot for these guys? https://t.co/Y10HOm6r0N pic.twitter.com/IWBrdw8o75
— T. rex judicata (@trexjudicata) June 4, 2019
But wait, there’s more! John Hugo, Super Happy Fun America’s president, is a Republican who ran unsuccessfully for Massachusetts’ state Congress during the 2018 midterm elections. And Sahady, the group’s vice president, has a very questionable history of involvement at local right-wing rallies.
We have so many questions…