My ‘BBC’ is my brown sexuality without having to explain or fit a stereotype

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Justin gazed at me with reverent fascination, finding something only he could see. ‘I love your big brown eyes,’ he said. ‘They’re so exotic.’

On our first morning together, he made me eggs benedict with fresh ingredients we got from Whole Foods. On our way to the dairy section, we passed by the ‘Ethnic Foods’ aisle – a collection of hot sauce, soy and freeze-dried Indian.

I was Justin’s ethnic fantasy, his man with the BBC.

Porn shows brown men as well-endowed, aggressive, raunchy lovers who deliver a deeply satisfying climax. Pop culture depicts brown men as aggrieved or hypersexual.

But porn or pop culture rarely portray Indian men.

So, the world I saw through my big brown eyes was one that saw me in clashing extremes: the desexualized convenience store Apu, the spelling bee tech nerd, the turban wearing magical Indian, the ultra-masculine brown top.

My sexual encounters often felt like I was being sampled for a taste of planet-brown.

Why do they all expect me to be a ‘dom top’? Why do they assume I’m uncut? And why does he say my accent makes me more sexy? Sexier than whom? Why does he say I taste better? Am I living up to the brown-grade sperm standard?

Cardi B’s WAP and my BBC

I wrote ‘BBC’ to liberate me from all these questions.

Cardi B has a WAP. I have a BBC. BBC is brown sexuality with zero fucks to give, without the need to explain, debunk or measure up to social expectations which may or may not be rooted in colonial exoticism.

The newly released BBC music video is full of humorous innuendo. It shows brown sexuality as a subject of fascination, fear and mishaps.

We may never know the scientific correlation between melanin and sexual satisfaction, but we know, once Justin went brown, he always came around.

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