Opinion | How Do I Apologize for Outing My Brother?


How many of you actually have enemies in school or at home? How many of you harbor hatred in your heart? So you need to have love. Then you are able to forgive. Very good. And when you forgive, you make sure you — Forget. Forget. Very good. And when you forgive and forget, you will eventually find peace in your heart. Correct? Time has always been described as a natural healer. It isn’t always true. I have been struggling to find the words asking for my brother’s forgiveness for something I did when we were kids, something that was devastating for him and ripped our family apart. And it’s time to own up. I’m back. Hi. Hey. How’s everything? It’s good to see you. Good to see you, too. I’m good, OK. I’m good. For the grace of God I’m good, yeah. My brother, Jeremiah. Not only is he a good cook — Ready? One, two, three. Love makes the world go round. — he also volunteers his time as a tutor at his local church. Our family life revolves around this dining table, and it was there I let the cat out of the bag. I was 13 when I discovered a stack of gay magazines in my brother’s drawer. Jeremiah was 20. They were his magazines, but I was excited by them, too. I was like a kid in a candy store. I wished the bed could have swallowed me right then. Do you want to see this? Is that me? No. No. Yes. That’s a rare photograph. Yeah. Yeah. Mom, Dad, me and — Yes, yes. — Jeremiah. How old were you? There is this very real relationship between me and my father, and my father God. So I really, really want to please him, because I know that he would never go wrong. That’s for sure, but for human, I cannot be sure. I cannot trust my earthly father. Yeah, that much — as much as I could trust my Heavenly Father. God loves everyone, and God wants everyone to recognize their sins and really repent. So how does the church view homosexuality? I was so young, and I felt scared and confused. I told our father about the magazines. I had never seen our father cry, ever. He blamed himself for letting down the family name. I was frightened. My brother stood alone in the corner, distraught. I was hoping this time alone with Jeremiah would help us bond and talk about our past. Hello. The pastor says no more filming. No more filming? Yeah, no more filming. Why? Yeah, because it’s — OK, why don’t you come — why don’t you come down to — where are you now? Jeremiah decides to withdraw from filming. Our sister, Elaine, mediates. I came back to Singapore to apologize, but I may have lost that opportunity now. After all that has happened, I still love and care about you, as you’re my brother. I have something I need to tell you. Hope to see you tonight. I was surprised Jeremiah agreed to meet me and be filmed one last time. Hey Derek. Hey. This was the moment to say sorry, but I couldn’t do it. Don’t continue in your sin, brother. OK? God loves you. Thank you very much. All right? Look, life is like a vapor. You never know when you’ll be gone. You never know. That’s exactly right. You never know when you’ll be gone. Tomorrow you could wake up with a terminal illness. You never know. That’s right. In the next minute — Life is so short. Right. You have to live your life to the full — Don’t let it — — to who you are. I’m — Repent. I’m happy for you where you’re at now, I hope you are happy for me. I am. I’m not happy for you. And that’s unfortunate. And please let go of my hands. Thank you. I’ll keep you in prayers, brother. All right? Know that God loves you. God loves you. Brother, you said, “Life is like a vapor.” 30 years have passed since I outed you to our parents. I was young and in denial of my own sexuality. You have found your path. And I have found mine. I’m not sure if our wounds will ever heal, but you will always be my brother.


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