Psychotherapist Matthew J. Dempsey talks about common issues with body image and goes on to describe how it can specifically play out in the gay male community.
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35 Comments on “Matthew J. Dempsey on Gay Men and “Body Image””
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Mmmm…I can practically *lick* the irony off of my screen.
There is no irony. No matter what you look like, where you come from etc,
no one is immune from body/ self esteem issues
Matt don’t listen to all these negative comments all these ugly people are
making. Its sad that you get hated upon because of your good looks. It
happend to me all my life. These faggs are nice to you. Up until the moment
they realize your never going to have sex with them. Then they turn right
around and start judging you and making nasty rumors about you. Thank you
for your public service! Your a wonderful roll model. Beauty is always in
fashion!
Ya, and this is advice from a guy that looks like that….whatever.
Really? WTF…. the last thing we need is someone rehashing self help, who
fits the “gay beauty mold” to run his mouth about how the rest of us should
feel.
Coming from the guy who obviously spends a shit ton of time at the gym.
Mmmmmhmmmm.
This video is amazing even though you kinda are a “gay mans dream ” as they
call it it still is a good message and I see it a lot in the gay community
men trying everything to look and be masculine cause they think being gay
is going to automatically make them less of a man which is false your not
supposed to let your sexual orientation define who and what you are so they
try to mask it by turning into this masculine straight acting douche bag
who turns against there own community just because that man doesn’t act
like a stereotypical man and loves who they are and are proud to say there
gay it’s just sad
I needed this on this lovely morning. I think this sends a very powerful
message that we are not alone. We often feel as though we are the only
fatty on earth or the only person with a giant nose. You are not and you
never will be.
Oh goody, another drop dead gorgeous guy telling me good looks don’t
matter. Fuck you!
I admit, your extremely good looks, broad shoulders, and moisturized skin
made your message a little bit hard to be bought by me. But you mention
excellent points, and what none of the other naysayers bothering
mentioning, is that you made yourself vulnerable by sharing your own
personal story. Thank you for that.
To those saying “I don’t see the irony”, get off of your high horse…
you’re not fooling anyone by pretending to not see what is right in front
of you. There *is* nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself, but don’t
even act like that it is not at the least disingenuous to see someone
embody the very things you deal with in your community. But all the power
to him, because we are only responsible for ourselves…if there is
something you want to change, change it. Fuck stereotypes or being scolded
for “adhering to the norm”… just make sure that whatever you do, you do
it for *you* above anyone else. I really just don’t want to denigrate Dr.
Dempsey because he had some great points, but I’m not going to lie… your
looks are hard to ignore, given the message being presented.
No way am I going to take advice on how to deal with body image issues from
a man who spends as much time making himself up as this clown. He may have
plenty of clients, but even he must know it’s for the wrong reason.
While Mr.Dempsey has good intentions here, I think he needed to elaborate
somewhat. He just touched the tip of the iceberg. He did not go into the
specific details that gay men stress over. I think it is younger urban gay
men that fall into this frame of mind. I think as you get older some you
accept yourself more & don’t care to compete with younger, more attractive
men. Its the evolution of your self esteem. The key is to ignore or stop
comparing yourself to the gay male iconography that permeates advertising
and pornography.
To everyone on here where you say that the irony is lost on you and you
don’t understand where we are coming from. Let me explain. While I
totally get what he is saying and do agree with him, it just seems a little
presumptuous of him to fully understand what its like to be ‘one of us’.
He is beautiful and he is perfect. How could he possibly understand what
its like to go on a first date and have the guy say to him “sorry – I
didn’t realize you were ‘that fat'” or ‘that ugly” or any other choice
verb.
Do you think he’s ever heard the term “Thanks, but no thanks”? or “Sorry,
you’re not my type”? Do you think he’s had second dates? Third dates?
Or have someone tell him that he is “too old to date” even tho that person
is exactly the same age?
While I completely appreciate his thought behind this; its just not
something he could ever understand what its really like for someone who
hasn’t been as lucky in the looks department. And no amount of personality
will change what the ‘hot gays’ think or feel or how they treat others.
And before people come after me – yes – all of these things I’ve said have
happened to me. They are things that I wish on no one. And +Matthew J.
Dempsey – you’re more than welcome to contact me and I’ll be happy to
further discuss with you everything I’ve said here.
I know I come off sounding like a bitter queen – and probably so. But after
enduring this for the last 37 years of life – its taken its toll on me. It
really truly makes me sad that in a world where gays are fighting for their
freedoms and their families – that we could use that power for good –
instead of making ‘less fortunate’ gays feel worse about themselves. I am
out to my friends, my co-workers and my family – and they are all way more
accepting with me than any other gay that I have met. And it shouldn’t be
that way.
I seriously do not understand the logic of some of the “irony” comments.
So what if this guy spends a lot of time in the gym sculpting his body?
Just because he does so doesn’t mean he has “body image” problems. There
is nothing wrong with presenting yourself physically in the best way
possible.
If he, on the other hand, was one of those guys who was built like a sexy
underwear model but constantly complained he was fat, a completely
different story.
he is far to handsome, I would never confide my fears and insecurities to
someone that handsome. In the contrary it would even make me more insecure
Hucksterism. Invent a “crisis,” diagnose everyone with a made-up
“disorder,” and cash a check.
I’m sorry guys but I don’t see the irony here. You guys are assuming that
just because the guy in the video is hot, he therefore cannot, or has not,
ever had body issues before….anyone can have body issues. I have dated
guys who were chubby and had the best confidence in the world. But I dated
other guys who had great bodies, but they would only focus on the TINY bit
of body fat and think they look disgusting. Sometimes they wouldn’t even
eat. There is no irony here, just ignorance on your part.
This is one of the most beautiful videos I’ve ever watched. I literally
experienced an Oprah “aha” moment haha. There is so much truth in what he’s
saying. Inspiring.
Who’s that in the beginning?
I’m not hearing shit, i just want him to take his shirt off.
I watched this video and in the end, I can say I agree on a lot of levels
here. We’re human – we want to be accepted but when we already know from a
young age that we can never be in the crowd that want to be a part of, it
sure as heck can make you feel totally isolated and so we do what Matt says
and try to mold ourselves on the outside to pretty much gain access.
Unfortunately, it pretty much sets back all the internal struggles even
more. Years later I decide its better to be who I am and just not care.
People will appreciate honesty over fakeness….thanks Matt. I shall try
that Conscious trade method.
I wish you were my psychotherapist. I wish I could see you whenever I feel
depressed.
Oh…I’ll definitely start practising all of that, after I get a nosejob,
teeth whitening, eye whitening, jaw augmentation, chiselled abs and skin
rejuvenation. Thanks sir, your advice is music to the ear for those who
look like you.
Says the guy who spends a ton of time lifting at the gym and cutting to
become extra lean
This video, whilst I’m sure well intentioned, didn’t really make me feel
better at all. I guess watching someone who pretty much fits the “ideal of
beauty”, and listening to their message about “body image”…well, it just
seemed to not ring true somehow
It’s so hard being pretty. … seriously WTF.
If I hadn’t just woke up with an empty stomach, I’d vomit.
That video made me felt worse…
Come back to me when you walk into a bar & the lights are dimmed within
about 5 minutes of being in there & half the patrons leave within around 20
minutes.
gorgeous wolverine!
This insight is invaluable to those of us who have dealt with these issues
most all of our lives (since 7 for me). When I tried to get help for
bulimia in the early 80s the belief was that only women had these disorders
and my needs were rejected One women called my a “sick fuck” ! I stopped
being bulimic in ’84 of my own volition, but that didn’t alter how I viewed
myself. Now, because of these deep seated inferiority issues, I have
serious health concerns. Good news: I’ve take control of my life and I am
much better. How I wish someone like Matthew Dempsey had been there back
then.
Hey Matt who was that comedian at the beginning can you tell me who that
was
I hope you didn’t have to reshoot the video because your hair fell out of
place 🙁
But despite that it is still a lovely message man I just worry it hasn’t
gotten through to you yet. Maybe it has. I don’t know about your every day
life. Like my photo I look much better in it than I do normally. Maybe you
just wanted to look great for this video. It’s still a great message so
here is to you!
It’s just weird hearing it from the mouth of a guy who looks like he walked
out of a Tom of Finland drawing. I didn’t think those cartoons showed
proportions that were physically possible to achieve in the real world.