35 Comments on “Matthew J. Dempsey on Gay Men and “Body Image””

  1. There is no irony. No matter what you look like, where you come from etc,
    no one is immune from body/ self esteem issues

  2. Matt don’t listen to all these negative comments all these ugly people are
    making. Its sad that you get hated upon because of your good looks. It
    happend to me all my life. These faggs are nice to you. Up until the moment
    they realize your never going to have sex with them. Then they turn right
    around and start judging you and making nasty rumors about you. Thank you
    for your public service! Your a wonderful roll model. Beauty is always in
    fashion!

  3. Really? WTF…. the last thing we need is someone rehashing self help, who
    fits the “gay beauty mold” to run his mouth about how the rest of us should
    feel. 

  4. This video is amazing even though you kinda are a “gay mans dream ” as they
    call it it still is a good message and I see it a lot in the gay community
    men trying everything to look and be masculine cause they think being gay
    is going to automatically make them less of a man which is false your not
    supposed to let your sexual orientation define who and what you are so they
    try to mask it by turning into this masculine straight acting douche bag
    who turns against there own community just because that man doesn’t act
    like a stereotypical man and loves who they are and are proud to say there
    gay it’s just sad

  5. I needed this on this lovely morning. I think this sends a very powerful
    message that we are not alone. We often feel as though we are the only
    fatty on earth or the only person with a giant nose. You are not and you
    never will be.

  6. Oh goody, another drop dead gorgeous guy telling me good looks don’t
    matter. Fuck you! 

  7. I admit, your extremely good looks, broad shoulders, and moisturized skin
    made your message a little bit hard to be bought by me. But you mention
    excellent points, and what none of the other naysayers bothering
    mentioning, is that you made yourself vulnerable by sharing your own
    personal story. Thank you for that.

  8. To those saying “I don’t see the irony”, get off of your high horse…
    you’re not fooling anyone by pretending to not see what is right in front
    of you. There *is* nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself, but don’t
    even act like that it is not at the least disingenuous to see someone
    embody the very things you deal with in your community. But all the power
    to him, because we are only responsible for ourselves…if there is
    something you want to change, change it. Fuck stereotypes or being scolded
    for “adhering to the norm”… just make sure that whatever you do, you do
    it for *you* above anyone else. I really just don’t want to denigrate Dr.
    Dempsey because he had some great points, but I’m not going to lie… your
    looks are hard to ignore, given the message being presented. 

  9. No way am I going to take advice on how to deal with body image issues from
    a man who spends as much time making himself up as this clown. He may have
    plenty of clients, but even he must know it’s for the wrong reason.

  10. While Mr.Dempsey has good intentions here, I think he needed to elaborate
    somewhat. He just touched the tip of the iceberg. He did not go into the
    specific details that gay men stress over. I think it is younger urban gay
    men that fall into this frame of mind. I think as you get older some you
    accept yourself more & don’t care to compete with younger, more attractive
    men. Its the evolution of your self esteem. The key is to ignore or stop
    comparing yourself to the gay male iconography that permeates advertising
    and pornography. 

  11. To everyone on here where you say that the irony is lost on you and you
    don’t understand where we are coming from. Let me explain. While I
    totally get what he is saying and do agree with him, it just seems a little
    presumptuous of him to fully understand what its like to be ‘one of us’.

    He is beautiful and he is perfect. How could he possibly understand what
    its like to go on a first date and have the guy say to him “sorry – I
    didn’t realize you were ‘that fat'” or ‘that ugly” or any other choice
    verb.

    Do you think he’s ever heard the term “Thanks, but no thanks”? or “Sorry,
    you’re not my type”? Do you think he’s had second dates? Third dates?

    Or have someone tell him that he is “too old to date” even tho that person
    is exactly the same age?

    While I completely appreciate his thought behind this; its just not
    something he could ever understand what its really like for someone who
    hasn’t been as lucky in the looks department. And no amount of personality
    will change what the ‘hot gays’ think or feel or how they treat others.

    And before people come after me – yes – all of these things I’ve said have
    happened to me. They are things that I wish on no one. And +Matthew J.
    Dempsey – you’re more than welcome to contact me and I’ll be happy to
    further discuss with you everything I’ve said here.

    I know I come off sounding like a bitter queen – and probably so. But after
    enduring this for the last 37 years of life – its taken its toll on me. It
    really truly makes me sad that in a world where gays are fighting for their
    freedoms and their families – that we could use that power for good –
    instead of making ‘less fortunate’ gays feel worse about themselves. I am
    out to my friends, my co-workers and my family – and they are all way more
    accepting with me than any other gay that I have met. And it shouldn’t be
    that way.

  12. I seriously do not understand the logic of some of the “irony” comments.
    So what if this guy spends a lot of time in the gym sculpting his body?
    Just because he does so doesn’t mean he has “body image” problems. There
    is nothing wrong with presenting yourself physically in the best way
    possible.

    If he, on the other hand, was one of those guys who was built like a sexy
    underwear model but constantly complained he was fat, a completely
    different story.

  13. he is far to handsome, I would never confide my fears and insecurities to
    someone that handsome. In the contrary it would even make me more insecure

  14. Hucksterism. Invent a “crisis,” diagnose everyone with a made-up
    “disorder,” and cash a check.

  15. I’m sorry guys but I don’t see the irony here. You guys are assuming that
    just because the guy in the video is hot, he therefore cannot, or has not,
    ever had body issues before….anyone can have body issues. I have dated
    guys who were chubby and had the best confidence in the world. But I dated
    other guys who had great bodies, but they would only focus on the TINY bit
    of body fat and think they look disgusting. Sometimes they wouldn’t even
    eat. There is no irony here, just ignorance on your part.

  16. This is one of the most beautiful videos I’ve ever watched. I literally
    experienced an Oprah “aha” moment haha. There is so much truth in what he’s
    saying. Inspiring.

  17. I watched this video and in the end, I can say I agree on a lot of levels
    here. We’re human – we want to be accepted but when we already know from a
    young age that we can never be in the crowd that want to be a part of, it
    sure as heck can make you feel totally isolated and so we do what Matt says
    and try to mold ourselves on the outside to pretty much gain access.
    Unfortunately, it pretty much sets back all the internal struggles even
    more. Years later I decide its better to be who I am and just not care.
    People will appreciate honesty over fakeness….thanks Matt. I shall try
    that Conscious trade method.

  18. Oh…I’ll definitely start practising all of that, after I get a nosejob,
    teeth whitening, eye whitening, jaw augmentation, chiselled abs and skin
    rejuvenation. Thanks sir, your advice is music to the ear for those who
    look like you. 

  19. Says the guy who spends a ton of time lifting at the gym and cutting to
    become extra lean 

  20. This video, whilst I’m sure well intentioned, didn’t really make me feel
    better at all. I guess watching someone who pretty much fits the “ideal of
    beauty”, and listening to their message about “body image”…well, it just
    seemed to not ring true somehow

  21. Come back to me when you walk into a bar & the lights are dimmed within
    about 5 minutes of being in there & half the patrons leave within around 20
    minutes.

  22. This insight is invaluable to those of us who have dealt with these issues
    most all of our lives (since 7 for me). When I tried to get help for
    bulimia in the early 80s the belief was that only women had these disorders
    and my needs were rejected One women called my a “sick fuck” ! I stopped
    being bulimic in ’84 of my own volition, but that didn’t alter how I viewed
    myself. Now, because of these deep seated inferiority issues, I have
    serious health concerns. Good news: I’ve take control of my life and I am
    much better. How I wish someone like Matthew Dempsey had been there back
    then.

  23. I hope you didn’t have to reshoot the video because your hair fell out of
    place 🙁

    But despite that it is still a lovely message man I just worry it hasn’t
    gotten through to you yet. Maybe it has. I don’t know about your every day
    life. Like my photo I look much better in it than I do normally. Maybe you
    just wanted to look great for this video. It’s still a great message so
    here is to you!

  24. It’s just weird hearing it from the mouth of a guy who looks like he walked
    out of a Tom of Finland drawing. I didn’t think those cartoons showed
    proportions that were physically possible to achieve in the real world.

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