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48 Comments on “The GBF- What’s Wrong with the Commodification of Gay Men: Mark Pampanin at TEDxChapmanU”

  1. I understand his message, but it’s hardly a gay thing. Women are often
    treated as commodities, fashionable accessories and so are straight men if
    they are pretty. It simply about having the face, personality and an
    attitude that accepts that as being alright.

  2. The problem he is pointing out is, I believe, especially aimed at the
    “younger” generation or my generation. I am 17, and every time some girl
    learns I’m gay, they say things like “OMG! I always wanted a gay best
    friend”.
    The problem with this is that young gay men, like myself, are trying to
    find who we are as a person, and these girls are being taught by things
    such as Teen Vogue to tokenize us as one sort of person. And not even as a
    person but as a thing, a accessory they must have. They expect us to all
    love and be in the know on fashion, which personally I have no clue what’s
    trendy and what looks hot, amongst other stereotypes, and that is not all
    gay men.
    Sure some men really fit the stereotypes, but that doesn’t change the fact
    that as he said “Person. Mark.” They are a person regardless and shouldn’t
    be tokenized because they fit the GBF stereotypes.
    And while some people say it is easy to find who you are while maintaining
    a relationship like that, they are really dreaming about how it really
    affects young people. Everything people say has a big impact and this is a
    big influence on them.

    At the standard level, having a GBF has become a status statement like
    saying “oh i’m not racist because I have black friends”. Having a GBF as a
    token does not make you any less homophobic. Whether you treat them as a
    person equal to you or not does, or have some people lost sight of what
    equality really means. This tokenization goes against the whole idea behind
    gay rights and people are saying “oh we can use it to gain rights, then be
    who we are”. Well that’s not the rights we want at all. We want the rights
    for who we all are right from the get go. We want people to view us as
    people and not as our sexuality. As a best friend and not a GAY best
    friend… 

  4. I’m gay, and I honestly think we need to ride the back of some stereo types
    whilst were fighting for our rights. Of course, its not fun, fair, or
    equal, but if half our support is coming from young people who think gay is
    trendy (and therefore good), then we should take advantage of that to pass
    votes and such things. We can educate them later.

  5. The only problem I see with this is the fact that he himself is playing
    into the commodification he opposes: making jokes about fashion (“im sure
    my boyfriend was wearing flannel”) and entertaining the audience with
    cliche quips. Perhaps he has fallen into the same trap he condemns. 

  6. As a gay man myself this speech was very problematic. He gave statements
    with stereotypical humor. How did he win an award for it? Maybe he’s the
    only white gay man writing speeches for Ted talks maybe. LOL WTVR this
    speech was crap. I give it a 3 out of 10 for effort.

  7. Some of what was said here feels necessary but the speech was disorienting.
    Seems to defeat the purpose if your speech against oversimplifying gay men
    is riddled with jokes using gay stereotypes. Is humor worth demeaning your
    argument?

  9. over crafted speech. it’s crowded with “lines’ and many “let insert laugh
    here” moments.

  11. This guy isn’t really gay. A gay man intuitively knows that the tip of your
    tie should just about reach into the middle of your belt buckle. Fraud!
    Pseudo homo. Jess keedeeng…

  12. So he is complaining about the stereotype of being cute and harmless?

    I’m not sure that is a bad stereotype. And i’m pretty sure he is the
    definition of the GBF.

  13. This was interesting but also pretty basic. This seems like old news to me.
    But good for him for having an award-winning speech.

  17. I absolutely loved this and have felt this way for years! And people he was
    purposely exacerbating the stereotype. Flew right over a bunch of people’s
    heads

  19. In case nobody has said it yet, in china a leftover woman is a woman 25 or
    older who isn’t married yet.

  21. As a gay man, I find this speech extremely irrelevant. One, it makes it
    seem like gay men aren’t capable of finding out who they are while also
    maintaining strong friendships. Second, why is he fighting the progression
    of acceptance?? Why don’t you fight homophobia before you fight people that
    want to be your friend based on a stereotype?? His speech is basically him
    preaching to women about how to not have a gay best friend in the way that
    a gay best friend would. I can’t.

  23. Good speech. I avoided coming out for years to avoid being boxed into this
    role. But Mark, stop playing the sassy GBF in your speech about them.

  24. I can’t think of a girl I know who doesn’t have a gay best friends. I’ve
    had friends who were go off about how the girls would get naked in front of
    him just because they knew he wouldn’t oggle them. I’ve seen how woman
    complain daily to my brother who is gay in the couple months I lived with
    him and how whenever the girl was done talking about herself she’d soon get
    bored and leave. It’s better than getting gaybashed like in the 90’s but
    now instead of living in fear they live to be respected.

  25. .he says something that needed to be said and does it so well…creative
    and thoughtful, beautifully presented..it is wonderful that young gay men
    don’t need a female ‘cover’ any more..

  26. This guy needs to learn how to use less pompous language when he gives his
    speeches.

  27. Outstanding Mark, good job, and you’re cute, but then you know that from
    your bf, I’m sure!!!

  28. Straight female here. My best friend is a gay…WOMAN. Am i still
    automatically a stereotype? Yes, we all know that 90% of magazine content
    is written for idiots by idiots and we discredit most of what they say. Let
    gay men choose their own friends. If they prefer to spend time with gossipy
    women who are using them, that’s their business. They’re grown ass men. But
    don’t assume anyone who has a gay best friend is only using him. That’s
    like saying they can’t have attractive personalities.

  29. A *lot* of gay men (myself included) have become tired of being cast in the
    role of the “gay best friend” for women, and now actively reject that role.
    Most of the gay guys I know now hang out with guys – both gay and straight:
    homosexuality has, with progressive acceptance, lost its importance as a
    basis for community, and many of us now more strongly associate with the
    identity of being a guy than we do with the identity of being gay,
    especially those of us in long term relationships.

  30. I am happy that this was posted for all to see. I still think the speech
    needs to be heard. Treat people as people. Although the girl who saw you
    with your boyfriend, could have meant “cute” as “refreshing” to see an open
    and declaring gay couple. I think the speech is a great start to a more
    deep seeded issue.

  31. He somehow exacerbated the stereotype in the process of proclaiming the
    overcoming of it. Good, but his message is lost in the deliver I think.

  32. I know a lot of gay men who now prefer to hang out with other guys – both
    straight and gay – precisely because they feel that many of their
    friendships with women have been too one-sided and left them feeling used,
    or that they’ve felt too often cast into the role of the “gay boyfriend”
    where they’re expected to fulfill all the needs that a boyfriend would fill
    with the exception of sex. I enjoy having both male and female friends, but
    it has been a challenge at times with my girl amigos.

  34. It’s hard to break stereotypes when you slip in that you want to ‘kill the
    trend’ which in your opinion is ‘uglier than UGG Boots’.

  39. wow @ people who lack basic comprehension skills. He’s not arguing against
    stereotypes. he’s saying that gay men, no matter what they act like, should
    be treated just like everybody else

  41. Just people? The guy is a walking stereotype. It shouldn’t be much of a
    surprise when he gets treated like one. He is using his gayness to …
    profit. The straight people who do that are called ‘Christian
    Fundamentalists’. If there is something wrong with the commodification of
    gay men, then he should consider that he is one of the people doing it.

  42. Karl Marx died in 1883, he didn’t say anything in 1887. Still, that was a
    great speech.

  43. and – if gay men were a little nicer to each other. .a straight woman is a
    safe place for gay men…..

  44. gay people… ‘you people’ just brought another problem to this world..
    like there isnt enough problems allready… watever u do, just leave the
    orphans out of this mess!!

  47. he’s literally playing into stereotypes while telling people not to play
    into stereotypes

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